Car for sale
1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km
Only first gear and reverse used
Never driven hard
Original fuel and oil
Only 1 driver Owner
Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
You can see a picture here
1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
One reason to be thankful if bird flu hits the UK
A guy is at the supermarket when he notices that the rather good looking blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him; and, although familiar, he can't place where he might know her from; so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
It's Mrs C's birthday today and we have visitors tonight and tomorrow so no posting. Will post something over the weekend if I have time and don't have a hangover.
Wife or whore?
1. LEGOS. The Geek is really more of a Man-Child than an adult. In their minds, they are still 10. They freakin' still love to play with their legos, and have never grown up. I have one friend, WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS, that still has legos in his room. He doesn't have kids. Just legos. Of course, my children love legos and Steve will lovingly spend hours playing legos with them.
Don't believe that the diamond market is run by cartels that fix the price?
On my birthday it was:
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
For top 100 downloads of free software or shareware for Windows XP.
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.
Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
We've got quite a large temporary pool, 10ft diameter and 3ft deep, which we love to use in the summer and means that we're quite popular as people are always dropping in on the hot days; remembering that we live in England! But I wish that our pool was bigger so I could get a couple of these Motorized Pool Loungers so we could have a couple of races.
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep.
A round up of the best wines for bums, no not the kind you drink anally you wierdos, the ones tramps drink. Although mainly American wines are listed as the top 5, the site owner has obviously travelled a bit cos they've listed Buckfast too. If pushed I'd have to guess that DNA has managed to get wasted at least once on them too.
The IT manager - overworked and underappreciated. You know the story. Back in school, always the last to be picked for football, but the first one they ran to when they accidentally deleted a homework assignment. Not much has changed since then. But the fact is it takes a special skill set to manage an IT department. As IT manager you need to monitor industry trends and administer mission-critical resources for an entire company. At the same time, you have to manage increasingly tighter budgets - finding ways to do more with less - and possess the people skills to oversee staff and run interference with top decision makers.
There's no shortage of articles lately where christian scientologists or whatevr they're calling themselves, are complaining about the theory of evolution and how little intelligent design ... ahem ... I meant intelligent design is being taught in schools. I have scoured the internet and actually found a Christian science textbook which should appease them.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
|the Shock Jock|
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also
sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this
world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead.
Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things
trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr
Advert for Xbox, no idea what they're saying but now you know why your flights are always delayed.
There are few famous ginger people.
With stars like Paris Hilton changing their dogs more frequently than they change their underwear (does Paris wear underwear?) there must be a demand for doggy accessories. Surely there is, Glamour Dog caters for every pampered pooches needs.
Conversations in the elevator are generally discouraged, however, it is acceptable to continue a conversation that was started before boarding as long as it is not clearly irritating others in the car. Avoid lewd jokes and topics that could offend others. If you feel the other passengers are not enjoying your discussion STOP talking and continue when you have arrived at your destination floor.
Pleix makes brilliant little artsy movie clips of very high quality and originality. Included in their repertoire is the music video for Basement Jaxx Cish Cash and look out for the latest featuring flying/floating dogs!
Those simple little things that stop our shoes from falling off and our feet from slopping around inside. But how many ways are there to tie shoelaces? Five, ten; you'd be surprised.
Take a boring room, paint it carefully and you create an optical illusion which'd scare the crap out of the unsuspecting visitor.
As you are probably aware, advertisers nowadays like to play with optical illusions. Sometimes what you see is not all that it seems ...
Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
With the Dialectizer you can translate any page or text into a variety of dialects including Redneck, Cockney or Moron. I quite like the Swedish Chef.
Something I thought I had a problem with, the monobrow is the ultimate single eyebrow and has a site Celebrating the Unity of Your Eyebrows
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
There are two toilets in the building where I work. They are next to one another and each contains just one toilet bowl because I don't work for a big company. Following the traditions of society one is aimed at being used by the female employees and one - the other one - has been designated for usage by non-females. Without symbols on the door a visitor might wonder which was which out of fear of, for example, stinking the place up and stepping out just before someone of the opposite sex steps in. Also just before that person runs out gagging and crying. For some reason people of the same sex just seem to accept that discomfort more easily.
Victor and Donna were both patients in a mental hospital.
Firstly the Presurfer found this great video of a biker kicking back in the middle of winter. He decided to dress in his biker gear and dance to My Humps ... no it's not me ... I haven't got as good a rythym as he has.
Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
Northern Ireland is, today, still trying to come to terms with it's worst ever, civilian airline disaster.
Researchers have found that the shape of the human skull has changed significantly over the past 650 years.
A man describing himself as a passionate masturbator has admitted that he spiked his own drink with the drug Rohypnol in order to have his way with himself.
was stored here. Have a look to see if your's is stored at World School Photographs
A little boy goes to his mother and asks,"Mom, is God black or white?" His mother replies,"He's neither black nor white." Next the boy asks,"Is God a man or a woman?" "He is neither a man nor a woman, dear." His mother replies. Finally the boy asks,"Mom, is it true that God loves all the children of the Earth." His mother smiles and says,"Yes, son, this is true." Still puzzled the boy thinks for a moment and asks,"Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Like to see them enforce this with rats and cockroaches
I'm sure that the Cakesniffer herself will enjoy these.
Not an outstanding car in itself in the way a Ferrari or Bugatti Veyron but this A8 belongs to a Saudi Prince, so I'm told, and he's decided he wanted it customised. Is customised the right word? I think not, he's had it BLINGED, na'ot I mean?
A lonely woman, aged 80, decided that it was time to get married