April 30, 2007
On this day:

He only wanted to go to Canberra

Blind pilot flies from London to Sydney in microlight


April 28, 2007
On this day:

Online Movies and TV

If you want to watch a movie, such as 300 or Saw III, then have a look over at Embedded Movies.

If you're after catching up on Lost or 24 then get over to TV Links.

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April 27, 2007
On this day:

Brunstrom is sick

Via The Times - Police chief uses crash victim images to enforce road safety

Richard Brunstrom, the controversial police chief, flourished a horrific photograph of a decapitated motorcyclist yesterday in a deliberate ploy to shock his audience at a road safety presentation.

The Chief Constable of North Wales has earned a reputation as a hardline scourge of speeding motorists and even admits to an “obsession” with bringing offenders to book.

He made no apology to his largely local government audience before displaying the photograph of the man’s head with his eyes still open and still encased in a red and white helmet lying on a grass verge.

Another showed the man’s torso embedded in the wreckage of a car.

The dead man was wearing a distinctive T-shirt that carried the legend that was aimed at traffic police: “P** off And catch some REAL criminals.” It was made clear to the meeting at St Asaph Park, Denbighshire, that the man’s family had not been made aware that the images would be used in the presentation.

It emerged last night that the picture was of Mark Gibney, 40, a father of three, who was killed when he crashed at 100 mph (160km/h) while riding one of the world’s fastest motor-bikes.

Chief Superintendent Geraint Anwyl, one of Mr Brunstrom’s colleagues, explained to the audience that the head had been torn off through the force of the impact. “His oxygenated brain went flying down the road for 50 metres before he expired. It was horrific, as I am sure you will agree.”

Meanwhile, he said, a young family remained trapped inside the car for 90 minutes.

The audience was also shown a picture of two males, aged 25 and 16, lying dead by the side of a mangled car.

He said that both accidents had been caused by the excessive speed of the dead men.

Mr Brunstrom said: “We did it to serve a purpose. The images are there to make an impact today.” The chief constable remains defiant that his campaign of effectively enforcing zero tolerance against speeding motorists has saved 53 lives since 2001.

He suggested that now his crackdown on speeding had won the support of 70 per cent of he public, it was time to move on to the next stage. This will be softer-edged and with more education and less punishment.

Motorists caught just over the speed limit will be more likely to be offered a £60 speed awareness course as an alternative to a fine.

He also revealed that his force was looking into the possibility of placing speed cameras inside cat’s eyes. He said: We will always be transparent with the public. We may have a sign up for example, saying ‘there are hidden cameras along this road’, but we won’t have a big arrow saying ‘there’s a camera in this cat’s eye’.”

At an inquest into the death of Mr Gibney, it was stated that he had cut the corner on a right-hand bend on a road near Ruthin, North Wales.

He was travelling with five motorcycle companions at the time. One described how he heard the sound of an explosion and saw his friend flying into the air.

John Hughes, the North Wales Central Coroner, described Mr Gibney’s riding as “reprehensible”.

He heard that the motorcyclist had no licence, no insurance and no specialist training for the powerful machine capable of speeds of up to 190 mph.

Mr Gibney was riding a 1,300cc Suzuki Hayabusa when he failed to spot an oncoming Vauxhall Astra in a dip. He collided head-on in a 60 mph zone on the B5105 near Lanfihangel, North Wales, in September 2003.

Mr Gibney, of West Derby, wore a black T-shirt that read: “Hello officer, Yes my car is emarked, Yes my number plate is legal, Yes my tyres have tread, Now p*** off And catch some REAL criminals.”

In February 2004 Mr Brunttrom said that he was prepared to see drugs such as heroin openly on sale because current drug laws were doing “more harm than good”.

Additional information:
The Biker was photographed at 10am at 125mph by an Arrive Alive van. He died at 4pm - 6 hours later.

So what this Brunstrom has managed to illustrate, whilst failing to lend any credence whatsoever to the flawed "Speed Kills" message, is the total inability of speed cameras to prevent the carnage caused not only by poor-attitude, unlicenced, uninsured, un-etc. drivers, but even that caused by massively excessive speed!!

When can we get rid of speed cameras and have traffic police back? Add your name to the Petition to scrap speed cameras

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April 26, 2007
On this day:

Union Jack

The British Flag, also know as the Union Jack is to be changed

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Comebacks and sarcastic remarks

  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

  • It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

  • Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

  • Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Announcement from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy.

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April 24, 2007
On this day:

And now a party political broadcast

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead."

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that, because I've spent it already."

Gordon said, "OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway."

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, you watch me. I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Gordon said, "I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at £2 a piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy!!

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them unfortunately still thought he was a great guy. The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you'll be better off flogging a dead donkey.

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Helpful directions

This is why the internet is the greatest media created in history. Not sure how long this will last.

1. go to http://www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. hit get directions
7. scroll down to step # 24

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Drink Wine

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

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April 23, 2007
On this day:

Boris Yeltsin Dead

Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin has died, the Kremlin says.

Mr Yeltsin was 76. The cause of death has not yet been announced. He had a history of heart trouble.

Read more on Boris Yeltsin's death

I do hope that they don't cremate him what with all that vodka he used to drink.

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April 19, 2007
On this day:

Pay back for cutting up on the A2

Pay back for cutting up on the A2 was found on MCN. The joys of being a biker.

I thought I would put pen to paper with an amusing biking tale that happened to me recently.

I regularly commute to London on my FZ6N travelling up and down the dreaded A2.

On this journey there never fails to be some sort of incident and this ride home proved no exception. There had been an accident on the A2 and the outbound route was stationary.

Now I am not a fast filterer as I think it's dangerous at high speed but I do like to plod along at my own pace and then get out of the way when necessary.

While filtering I was keeping my usual vigil for all the tell tale signs of a tin box about to cut lanes and all looked good until a white flat back van closed the gap in front of me so that I couldn't get through.

This phenomenon is becoming common place and has been discussed in MCN before but on this occasion he did it so late that I had no other option but to carry on.

BANG….. my left hand mirror hit his and after a few well chosen words in my helmet I carried on thanking my lucky stars that my mirror wasn't broken and I was okay.

Within a mile I had a GSX-R600 right up behind me beeping and flashing his lights, I thought there was further damage to my bike that he was warning me of so I pulled over and he followed.

As the guy lifted his visor he was crying with laughter, he told me that he had seen the BAST@~* cut me off and then filled me in of what happened next … Apparently I had knocked the Vans giant, electric, heated wing mirror and the glass popped right out with the electrics hitting the floor and amazingly staying in one piece, the van man had turned the air blue at me as I left.

On then seeing his mirror in one piece on the floor, he was unable to believe his luck until my new friend on his GSXR ran over it for me……

Still makes me smile now……

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What do you mean no rides? Killjoys

A £7m sex theme park, which has no rides, is to open in London's West End later this year.

Visitors to Amora - The Academy of Sex and Relationships at the Trocadero in Piccadilly, will pass through seven zones including Pleasure and Orgasm.

The 10,500sq-ft exhibit is designed to "separate fact from myth and educate everyone into being better lovers".

Read more on the sex theme park

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April 13, 2007
On this day:

Vet loses hand

Surgeons in Taiwan have reattached a vet's arm, after it was bitten off by a crocodile as he tried to give it an anaesthetic injection.

After six hours of surgery, Chang Po-yu is said to be doing well and in a stable condition in hospital.

His attacker is one of a pair of Nile crocodiles kept at Shoushan zoo, in the southern Taiwanese city of Kaohsiung.

Nile crocodiles are known to be man-eaters, but are also listed as an endangered species.

Story of how vet loses hand to crocodile

Has this vet never seen Crocodile Hunter? What the hell is he doing putting his hand through a barrier as everyone knows that restricts your reaction movements? Two bullets were shot into the croc's head and it still lives!

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April 11, 2007
On this day:

Right Said Fred

No Piggy, not this Right Said Fred. I'm thinking of the song after these clowns dropped a Grand Piano.

"Right," said Fred, "Both of us together
One on each end and steady as we go."
Tried to shift it, couldn't even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea and

"Right," said Fred, "Give a shout for Charlie."
Up comes Charlie from the floor below.
After strainin', heavin' and complainin'
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea.

And Charlie had a think, and he thought we ought to take off all the handles
And the things wot held the candles.
But it did no good, well I never thought it would
"All right," said Fred, "Have to take the feet off
To get them feet off wouldn't take a mo."

Took its feet off, even took the seat off
Should have got us somewhere but no!
So Fred said, "Let's have a cuppa tea."
And we said, "right-o."

"Right," said Fred, "Have to take the door off
Need more space to shift the so-and-so."
Had bad twinges taking off the hinges
And it got us nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea and

"Right," said Fred, " Have to take the wall down,
That there wall is gonna have to go."
Took the wall down, even with it all down
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea.

And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred,
I get a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceilin'
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."

"All right," said Fred, climbing up a ladder
With his crowbar gave a mighty blow.
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble landed on the top of his dome.
So Charlie and me had another cuppa tea
And then we went home.

(I said to Charlie, "We'll just have to leave it
Standing on the landing, that's all
Trouble with Fred is, he's too hasty
Never get nowhere if you're too hasty.")

©1962, by Myles Rudge (lyrics) & Ted Dicks (music)

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April 05, 2007
On this day:

The wisdom of Beckham

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the Kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.

"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.

"What does it do?" asks Becks.

The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.

"It's a Thermos flask."

The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," says David.

"And what have you got in it?" ask the lads.

"Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.

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The rabbit

In keeping with the Easter theme (yeah, tenuous I know).

A rabbit was hopping through the forest when he came upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit said, "Giraffe, don't do drugs. Come, run with me through the forest." The giraffe looked at the rabbit, then at the joint. He dropped the joint and ran off with the rabbit. They came upon an elephant snorting cocaine. The rabbit said,

"Elephant, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest." The elephant looked at his razor blade and mirror, tossed them away and began running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then came across a lion about to shoot up. The rabbit said,

"Lion, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest." The lion looked at the rabbit and then at the needle. He put down the needle and started to beat the living daylights out of the rabbit. Horrified, the giraffe and elephant asked,

"Lion, why are you doing this? He was only trying to help you." The lion answered, "This little fucker? He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy."


Happy Fucking Easter

Remember why we celebrate Easter.

And some other Easter related crap.

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