December 24, 2007
On this day:

Christmas Message

This will probably be my last post of 2007. See you in 2008.

My Christmas message to you.

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December 20, 2007
On this day:

A letter frm Santa

Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works !

I've busted my ass for damn near a year.
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better.
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of you yo yo's--No request for them!
They want computers and robots..they think--I'm IBM !

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimney's and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I"ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason,

I found me a redhead.
I'm going SOUTH for the season!

Via Badgirl's Hotbox

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December 19, 2007
On this day:

Lesser known laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog, and 9 times out of 10, they'll have Texas plates on their car....

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Via Goose


December 17, 2007
On this day:

TV Theme Tunes

Here's the theme tune to one of my favourite tv programs. Oh, and here's another and another.

Check out your favourite TV theme tunes and post three on your blog.


December 14, 2007
On this day:

Paul Smith R.I.P.

Paul Smith, founder of Safe Speed died last night from a suspected stroke or heart attack at the age of 52.

Since founding Safe Speed in 2001 Paul, an engineer for 25 years, spent many thousands of hours investigating the effects of speed cameras on road safety and their knock on effects. A vocal critic of the government's policies toward road safety he proposed promoting good driving practices and teaching methods to new and old drivers.

I never met Paul, only knowing him from visiting the Safe Speed forum and regret that I never met the man who put so much of his life and energy trying to convince politicians that speed cameras weren't the answer to improving the rate of killed and seriously injured drivers which once saw the United Kingdom lead the way in road safety.

My sincere condolences go out to Paul's family and all of those who were close to him.

If you are passionate about road safety please visit Safe Speed and donate to their cause.

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December 13, 2007
On this day:

Pro-Street Romania

This is the only Romanian street race website in English.
I want to race international. Please check out my car and some of the girls of my town on the web page. Enjoy! You will also please see my best enemy Dragos Dacia. He is also a street racer but does not take it serious. I will always beat him. Multumesc!

I'm not sure if Pro-Street Romania is a serious site or not.


December 12, 2007
On this day:


Following on from the Police vote of no confidence in the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, they are now going to be balloted to see if they want to strike. Now, the Police are not allowed to strike as it illegal for them to do so. Which begs the question ...

If the Police strike, who will be around to arrest them?

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December 11, 2007
On this day:

Tight spot

Fed up with not having enough room to park your car? Spare a thought for this Korean guy who has to park his 157cm car in a 180cm parking bay every day.


December 10, 2007
On this day:

They came from outer space

Or the result of the visit of Tazzy and Piggy.

After phoning and trying to wheedle his way out of driving down because of a bit of rain, the boys finally arrived around 5pm on Saturday. After buzzing them through the gates they piled out of their school run mum car and were greeted at the door by the cat. Despite weeks of training her to attack their pictures, the cat only nipped them. I can see that more intensive training is going to be required for their next visit. Either that or get a lion.

After eating a fantastic meal prepared by Tatas' fair hands, which Piggy complained about non-stop, we decide to go to the local for a few pints. We did have an ulterior motive for this. If they got too pissed up we could leave them in town to puke and sleep in the gutters/shop doorways instead of dirtying up our lovely home. Fortunately our friends from the pub were well pissed by the time we got there so they only have a vague recollection of the boys. Coincidentally, our camera decided to give up the ghost while we were there so we have a distinct lack of pictures.

Upon returning to the house we managed a couple of more drinks while Piggy whined and moaned that he wanted more pets. Tazzy only had to utter "No" and Piggy shut up pretty quick. Tazzy's definitely the strong silent type. Not that he has much choice as Piggy is like a bloody fishwife and hardly shuts his trap unless he's stuffing his face. We showed them to one of the guest rooms and bade them goodnight.

Morning broke and after a while Piggy surfaced. If you check out their account you will see that Piggy was feeling a bit worse for wear. It wasn't just because he was hung over but also because, according to him, the four poster bed wasn't comfortable enough. Tazzy seemed quite content with the sleeping arrangements.

We ate breakfast and decided to show them around the place: the pool, the ponies which will no longer come to us when called. I've no idea what the dirty bastards did to the poor creatures.

These poor creatures are now traumatised.

We then decided to go for a drive as the weather was shit and I didn't want Piggy stinking up the place any more. He'd already blocked up two of the en-suite toilets by this point the dirty bastard.

Upon our return Tatas had prepared dinner which Piggy moaned about yet again.

One thing about Piggy. He'll complain about what he's eating but still shovel it into his trap as fast as he can. No wonder his bowels are in such a state.

After dinner we kicked our heels and made small talk wondering how long until they left. Eventually they did. Apparently it pissed hard all the way back for them. Result.

Will we be seeing them again? Tazzy would be welcome as he's respectable and can hold an intelligent conversation without complaining. Piggy? If he's scrubbed down with industrial cleaners, including an enema a day for a week before hand, and if he's gagged to stop him complaining.


December 09, 2007
On this day:


Here's our erection.

Happy now bitches.


December 08, 2007
On this day:


What have we done?

Tazzy and Piggy are about an hour away from visiting us.

I'll post an account later without exaggerations and downright lies unlike that cunt Piggy ... if we survive.

Pray for our souls.

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December 07, 2007
On this day:

Bent Objects

An entertaining look at the world with the use of paper clips and other objects.

Bent Objects

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December 06, 2007
On this day:


Aaron Fotheringham (born November 8, 1991 in Las Vegas, Nevada) is a wheelchair athlete, or 'wheelchair skateboarder' who performs tricks adapted from skateboarding and BMX.

Fotheringham calls his racing style ‘hardcore sitting’. He is famed for being the first person to successfully perform a back flip in a wheelchair at the age of 14. He performs other tricks in his wheelchair including a 180 degree 'aerial'. He plans to fuse the back flip with the 180 aerial into what is known as a ‘flair’.

Fotheringham has Spina Bifida; he has used a wheelchair since the age of three and although he used crutches early on, he has been in a wheelchair fulltime since the age of eight. He would watch his brother riding his BMX at the skate park and one day his brother told him that he should try riding his chair in the park. Aaron later noted that “I did, and I was hooked”.

Fotheringham got a new wheelchair, a Colours In Motion's Boing!" which was both lightweight and featured four wheel suspension. This enabled him to perform the same sorts of tricks that skateboarders and BMXers can do as the suspension cushioned his landings. Aaron has further worked with Colours Wheelchairs to help refine their designs in real-world situations, and has been given a custom-made chair that is in his words ‘pretty much indestructible’.

He now competes in the Vegas Am Jam series in skate park competitions usually competing against BMX riders. He placed fourth in the intermediate BMX division in a competition held at Sunny Springs Skate Park on August 26, 2006.

Fotheringham advises others attempting to try these tricks to wear a helmet; he has suffered several injuries performing these tricks including a broken elbow. He tries out new tricks by performing them first into cushions. Then he graduates to a ‘rezi’, a harder plastic sheet over the cushions, before attempting the new trick on a regular skateboard ramp.

When asked about having to practice, Fotheringham responded "I don’t think of it as practice, I think of it as a fun way to live my life".

Aaron is obviously a kid who knows how to have fun but I think that he is truly inspirational with his outlook on life in the face of adversity.

Watch Aaron perform his wheelchair backflip.

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December 05, 2007
On this day:

Old People

When I get old and decrepit I want to be put in a home similar to Haslemere Home for the elderly. It seems that the residents still keep their sense of humour. That or they're given some really good drugs.

The Haslemere home for the elderly, in Great Yarmouth, England, achieved a certain notoriety when in September 1960, Gladys Elton, an 81 year old resident of the home, for reasons best known to herself conceived the idea of performing a striptease for her fellow residents of the home; unfortunately such was the effect of Elton's performance that it caused the death of one resident by way of a cardiac arrest and necessitated the treatment for shock of five other residents.

The same home went on to achieve more "fame" the next year when another resident, 87 year old Harry Meadows killed another 3 residents through dressing up as the grim reaper and and peering through the residents' lounge window whilst holding a scythe. As a result of this the home was forced to shut.


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December 04, 2007
On this day:

Lamp porn

Do you remember that desk-lamp that launched Pixar? Well it seems as if somebody's decided to have a little joke at its expense. The cute little anglepoise gets a hold of himself when he sees this season's new lighting catalogue.

Pixar lamp porn


December 03, 2007
On this day:

Cuddly Toys Revisited

Following yesterday's post about roadkill cuddly toys, I did a bit of digging and found the distributors.

There is another manufacturer that specialises in sick and twisted toy sick and twisted toys. Kent Rogowski takes cuddly teddies rips them open, guts them and turns them inside out.


December 02, 2007
On this day:

Cuddly toys

One for the kids for Christmas, if you want to traumatise them. Cuddly and cute roadkill.