Cloud shape

Following SID's cloud encounter, I thought I'd share the one I saw the other day. I thought it looks like the Teletubby Dipsy. Can you see it?

Honda ad

Not too long ago there was The Cog,the Honda advert where the parts of the car were lined up to hit, move and roll so that they linked up. Someone else, they're in the credits at the end but what the hell I can't be bothered to make a note of them, has had a hell of a lot of free time on their hands and has come up with their own version of the Honda type advert using household items.

No smoking signs

Some inventive people have taken the wording required by law for the new no-smoking signs which every public building must display.

That's what friends are for

A sports car enthusiast who suffered a mini stroke while restoring a Lotus Esprit was amazed when online friends finished the work for him in secret.

Simon Pritchard, 36, from Abergavenny, had been in the process of rebuilding the 25-year-old car when he fell ill.

When members of the Lotus Esprit online forum website heard, they donated money and time to fix it.

Read more on Friends restore Lotus in secret.

What a charming story. It has touched me so much that I thought I'd get a message together to show you all how much I appreciate you all spending time to come here and leave me those special messages. I love you.

Fixed I love you link

What is?

5.5 to 6.2 inches long and about 4.7 to 5.1 inches in circumference?

Give up?

Phallic Cement Posts

52 posts installed at an busy Oregon intersection have tongues wagging that they look a little too much like male genitalia.

Now we know where MJ went on holiday.

Sick joke

What's the similarity between a bungee jump and a granny giving oral sex?

They're both fucking amazing - just don't look down.

Bombing jokes

8 terrorist doctors: three bombs not deaths.

Harold Shipman: one doctor, one syringe, 300 dead.

Makes you almost proud to be British!

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A terrorist on our street doused himself with petrol, set himself on fire and he died. We're having a collection for his family ....

so far we've got 80 litres.

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For Sale

Grand Jeep Cherokee low mileage. Only used for airport runs. slight fire damage. £10,000 O.N.O. Please contact Mustafa Skingraft, Ward 5, Glasgow General.

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1 can of petrol £5.40.
2 calor gas bottles £42.50.
2nd hand Jeep Cherokee £2,450.
Watching two "terrorists" burn alive ... priceless.

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I've just been to a terrorist birthday party. Musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me pass the parcel was quick!

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Baggage handlers at Glasgow Airport were said to be furious when the Indian they ordered turned up burned.

Rainbow Twanger Sketch

Transformers preview

I have managed to get hold of a sneak clip of the new Transformers movie.

I must say that the special effects in Transformers are outstanding.

Penis of Doom

Thanks to Badger for this one.



Boner Bear sings about his Penis of Doom

I can see Maidy or April getting caught by the kids listening singing to this one.

Car accident

Just had a really bad car crash. Hit one of those new skodas .......







Fucking cake everywhere!

Baking competition

A grandmother won second prize in a cake-baking contest at a fete, only to discover she was the only entrant.

Jenny Brown, 62, entered her Victoria Sponge into the competition and was initially pleased to have come second.

But she was left shocked when a friend revealed to her that she was the only person to take part.

The contest was organised by the Wimblington Sports Committee and judges marked down the cake because it had indentations from the oven rack.

The best bit for me was the end quote:
"About 11 years ago I entered a show with some fruit scones. I was the only entrant but I came third."

REad more

New in-flight entertainment

How do you like to spend your time on a plane? Eating a meal? Having a drink? Watching the latest Hollywood blockbuster? Or ogling busty models in skimpy lingerie?

Central Americans, it would seem, prefer the latter. In a desperate attempt to lure more passengers onto its planes, Ecuadorian airline Ícaro has launched mid-air lingerie parades, with voluptuous models strutting up and down the aisles in underwear and heels.

Read more

Buzzwords

1. blamestorming: A group process where participants analyze a failed project and look for scapegoats other than themselves.
2. Death by Tweakage: When a product or project fails due to unnecessary tinkering or too many last-minute revisions.
3. BMWs: Bitchers, Moaners and Whiners.
4. clockroaches: Employees who spend most of their day watching the clock - instead of doing their jobs
5. plutoed: To be unceremoniously dumped or relegated to a lower position without an adequate reason or explanation.
6. prairie dogging: A modern office phenomenon. Occurs when workers simultaneously pop their heads up out of their cubicles to see what's going on.
7. carbon-based error: Error caused by a human, not a computer (which we assume would be a silicon-based error).
8. adminisphere: The upper levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.
9. deja poo: The feeling that you've stepped in this bull before.
10. bobbleheading: The mass nod of agreement by participants in a meeting to comments made by the boss even though most have no idea what he/she just said.
11. ringtone rage: The violent response by cube mates after hearing your annoying cell phone ringtone for the 15th time.

Happy 4th July

On the farm

Looks like Piggy has been playing on the farm

Dear Secretary of State

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this? My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any. If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100?

I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department.

Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradeable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases? Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current DEFRA advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above, you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Early gay warning sign

I'm wondering if this was Piggy and Tazzy's mums first warning sign they might be gay.

Nicked from Badger

Sex education

The government's new curriculum for sex education seems to be meeting general approval.

F1 Accident

There was a terrible F1 accident yesterday.

Deidre Video Casebook

WELCOME to The Sun's fab new online Dear Deidre Video Casebook - where you can WATCH the daily dilemmas unfold on your desktop

The world's No1 agony aunt has launched a superb daily online video casebook which will run in addition to the newspaper's own storyline.

Every day you will see an update of the dilemmas in our new online media player.

At the end of every casebook you'll also be able to watch Deidre giving her famous advice.

Whether it's cheating lovers, horny housewives, or desperate dads - all the stories are here for your viewing pleasure.

Deidre said: "I'm really excited about my new video casebook."

"Just like my famous Photo Casebook in The Sun, it's sexy and funny, but also informative."

"I'm just thrilled with the way you see the photos come to life."

Catch all the drama here - with a sizzling new video story everyday.

Ok, so this may not be your cup of tea but it is totally worth viewing a couple of these for the piss poor acting.

A poem for women

I shave my legs
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon .
I can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles, at any cost.
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an important date.
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewellery's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest!!!
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!?!