Ronaldo

Out on her royal yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water attacked by a very large great white shark, through her binoculars she could see it was Christiano Ronaldo.

The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time. At that exact moment a speedboat with Beckham and Rooney sped into view. Beckham took aim and fired a harpoon into the sharks' ribs, instantly immobilising it. Rooney reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using a club, beat the shark to death.

They bundle the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat and the dead shark and were preparing to set off for land, when they royal yacht pulled along side, the Queen calls them onto the yacht. The Queen is in awe of the men's bravery, "I'll give you a knighthood for your actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as role models for sportsmanship worldwide."

She knighted them and sailed away.

As she departed Rooney asks, "Who was that?"

"That," answers Beckham, "was the Queen; she rules Great Britain and the Commonwealth and is a wise leader of all her subjects".

"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows fuck all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up?"