Convicted

Hate your job?

2008-06-25T18:51:00.000+01:00

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,"I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

Safety Warning!

2008-05-18T10:48:00.002+01:00

Beware!!!!!!!

ASDA is selling lounge chairs made in China,

and the plastic is very very cheap and thin.
Purchase at your own risk.
****

****

The daughter

2008-05-16T20:06:00.002+01:00

Seems that MJ had a daughter. Here's some of her profile.

I was raised in a small rural area in Ontario, where I lived until I was about 18 years old. Other than helping out on the family farm, I spent most of my time studying, reading, or running around the 900+ acres of property my parents owned. I then moved to a larger city to attend university, and I still live and work in said city at this point. I was a very shy girl when I was younger, and mostly kept to myself up until my teens. From puberty on, I was always on the chubby side, much to my dismay at the time.

My breasts started developing when I was ten years old or so; I remember sitting at the kitchen table, doing my homework, and my mother was...

If you're interested you can read more on MJ's daughter

Surprised?

2008-05-16T19:44:00.006+01:00

Speed cameras have proliferated and the underhanded tricks that some police forces and "Safety" Camera Partnerships have performed include:
hiding a speed camera in a camper van
hiding a speed camera in a horse box
disguising a speed camera van as a workman's van

So is it any wonder an Italian motorcyclist was caught with a flip up number plate?

At work with

2008-05-10T13:32:00.003+01:00

IDV

Cooking with ...

2008-04-28T18:28:00.003+01:00

School days

2008-04-23T18:50:00.002+01:00

I'm sure that one of these was Maidy at school.

You know ...

2008-04-23T18:19:00.002+01:00

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Lazy cunt

2008-04-07T18:51:00.001+01:00

Thanks to all that wished me a happy birthday. Yes I know it was weeks ago now but fuck it.

Work has suddenly gone mental and by the time I get home I don't want to sit in front of a computer, or a laptop.

I will post something one day.

World's ...

2008-02-22T14:34:00.014Z

Busiest airport. J.F.K International Airport, New York, USA

Biggest church building. Winners` Chapel, Canaanland, Otta, Nigeria. Inside Sitting Capacity 50,000. Outside Overflow Capacity 250,000

Biggest Stadium. Maracana Stadium, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. Capacity 199,000

Tallest building. Burj, Dubai. 900 meters high. To be finally completed 2008

Biggest bus. Neoplan Jumbo-cruiser 2 in 1 double deck bus. 170 passenger capacity

Biggest Roman Catholic Cathedral. Ivory Coast

Most complex interchange. Interstate 10 Highways Interchange, Houston, Texas

Costliest stadium. New Wembley Stadium, London, England. 90, 000 capacity. Cost $1.6 billion

Biggest excavator. Built by KRUPP of Germany. 45,500 tons. 95 meters high. 215 meters long

Most expensive hotel. Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai. Only 7 Star Hotel in the World. Cheapest room $1000 per night. Royal suit $28,000 per night

Biggest hotel. MGM Grand Hotel, Las Vegas. 6,276 rooms

Longest bridge. Donghai Bridge, China. 32.5 kilometres

Biggest shopping mall. South China Mall, Dongguan, China. 892,000 square metres. Shops on 6 floors

Largest mosque. Shah Feisal mosque, Islamabad, Pakistan. Inside hall capacity 35,000. Outside overflow capacity 150,000

Biggest office complex. Chicago Merchandise Mart, Illinois, USA

Largest palace. Palace of the Parliament, Bucharest, Romania. More than 500 bedrooms, 55 kitchens, 120 sitting rooms

Biggest passenger plane. Airbus A380. 555 passengers

Biggest indoor pool. World Water Park, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Size 5 Acres

Biggest passenger ship. MS Freedom of the Seas. 4300 passenger capacity inside

Highest statue. Christ The Redeemer Statue, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil

Widest bridge. Sydney harbour bridge, Australia. 16 lanes of car traffic. 8 lanes in the upper floor, 8 in the lower floor

Biggest cunt. Runs the UK without being voted Prime Minister. Treasonously signed the UK citizens' rights away to the EU.

World's ...

2008-02-19T20:21:00.025Z

was going to be a list of modern engineering marvels.

Blogger fucked up and lost it.

I've been working on it for 2 hours.

I'll do it later.

Urban Myth?

2008-02-09T15:45:00.001Z

Now for the ultimate speeding ticket Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident, whilst checking for speeding motorists on the A-1 Great North Road. One of the officers, used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300mph. The machine then stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

The radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet over the North Sea, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district. Back at police headquarters the Chief Constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.

The reply came back in true laconic RAF style. "Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had automatically locked on to your 'hostile radar equipment' and sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, the Air-to-ground missiles aboard this fully-armed aircraft had also locked on to the target. Fortunately, the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado responded to the missile status alert intelligently, and was able to override the automatic protection system before a missile was launched!

PERSONALLY, I THINK HE SHOULD HAVE JUST PULLED THE TRIGGER.

Drink?

2008-01-22T20:49:00.000Z

Now I'm almost certain that MJ is short for Mary Jane, and who on earth would want to be called Mary in this day and age? Well, anyone who doesn't want to be written off as an old woman. So I think that this is how MJ gets her drinks.

Canny father

2008-01-22T20:45:00.001Z

I'm sure SID would behave just the same.

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do. What do you suggest?"

At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You shag her again."

Third nipple

2008-01-14T18:04:00.000Z

Supernumerary nipples (SNs) are a common minor congenital malformation that consists of nipples and/or related tissue in addition to the 2 nipples normally appearing on the chest. SNs are located along the embryonic milk line. Ectopic SNs are found beyond the embryonic milk line. The embryonic milk line is the line of potentially appearing breast tissue as observed in many mammals. In humans, the embryonic milk line extends bilaterally from a point slightly beyond the axillae on the arms, down the chest and the abdomen toward the groin, and is generally thought to end at the proximal inner sides of the thighs, although SN has been described on the foot. SNs can appear complete with breast tissue and ducts and are then referred to as polymastia, or they can appear partially with either of the tissues involved.

Piggy's third nipple

Supernumeray nipple source.

A more light hearted look at the Triple Nipple.

Blogger photos

2008-01-07T18:17:00.000Z

Might as well start the New Year as I mean to go on. By insulting bloggers that visit this site.

MJ before she found out the wonders of drink. Not necessarily for her to consume.

Maidy when she was in her nutjob phase and was popping pills.

Smunty Steve ready for a night of freaky sex with Carly.

SID ready for a night out on the town without SB and the earthangels.

IVD has always loved to get his hands on a large organ or two or three.

Piggy just can't resist that last Rolo even if he has to get down on his knees for it.

Update: all the pics apart from Piggy can be found here. Leave which ones you think are whom in the comments.

Happy New Year

2008-01-04T17:19:00.000Z

Now stop fucking moaning you cunts.

I've been busy on holiday. Mostly playing Guitar Hero III.

That is all.

Christmas Message

2007-12-24T12:06:00.000Z

This will probably be my last post of 2007. See you in 2008.

My Christmas message to you.

A letter frm Santa

2007-12-20T14:07:00.000Z

Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works !

I've busted my ass for damn near a year.
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better.
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of you yo yo's--No request for them!
They want computers and robots..they think--I'm IBM !

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimney's and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I"ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason,

I found me a redhead.
I'm going SOUTH for the season!

Via Badgirl's Hotbox

Lesser known laws

2007-12-19T12:25:00.000Z

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog, and 9 times out of 10, they'll have Texas plates on their car....

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Via Goose

TV Theme Tunes

2007-12-17T18:25:00.000Z

Here's the theme tune to one of my favourite tv programs. Oh, and here's another and another.

Check out your favourite TV theme tunes and post three on your blog.

Paul Smith R.I.P.

2007-12-14T16:53:00.000Z

Paul Smith, founder of Safe Speed died last night from a suspected stroke or heart attack at the age of 52.

Since founding Safe Speed in 2001 Paul, an engineer for 25 years, spent many thousands of hours investigating the effects of speed cameras on road safety and their knock on effects. A vocal critic of the government's policies toward road safety he proposed promoting good driving practices and teaching methods to new and old drivers.

I never met Paul, only knowing him from visiting the Safe Speed forum and regret that I never met the man who put so much of his life and energy trying to convince politicians that speed cameras weren't the answer to improving the rate of killed and seriously injured drivers which once saw the United Kingdom lead the way in road safety.

My sincere condolences go out to Paul's family and all of those who were close to him.

If you are passionate about road safety please visit Safe Speed and donate to their cause.

Pro-Street Romania

2007-12-13T18:37:00.000Z

STREET KING!
This is the only Romanian street race website in English.
I want to race international. Please check out my car and some of the girls of my town on the web page. Enjoy! You will also please see my best enemy Dragos Dacia. He is also a street racer but does not take it serious. I will always beat him. Multumesc!

I'm not sure if Pro-Street Romania is a serious site or not.

Strike?

2007-12-12T18:35:00.000Z

Following on from the Police vote of no confidence in the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, they are now going to be balloted to see if they want to strike. Now, the Police are not allowed to strike as it illegal for them to do so. Which begs the question ...

If the Police strike, who will be around to arrest them?

Tight spot

2007-12-11T17:50:00.000Z

Fed up with not having enough room to park your car? Spare a thought for this Korean guy who has to park his 157cm car in a 180cm parking bay every day.

They came from outer space

2007-12-10T17:55:00.000Z

Or the result of the visit of Tazzy and Piggy.

After phoning and trying to wheedle his way out of driving down because of a bit of rain, the boys finally arrived around 5pm on Saturday. After buzzing them through the gates they piled out of their school run mum car and were greeted at the door by the cat. Despite weeks of training her to attack their pictures, the cat only nipped them. I can see that more intensive training is going to be required for their next visit. Either that or get a lion.

After eating a fantastic meal prepared by Tatas' fair hands, which Piggy complained about non-stop, we decide to go to the local for a few pints. We did have an ulterior motive for this. If they got too pissed up we could leave them in town to puke and sleep in the gutters/shop doorways instead of dirtying up our lovely home. Fortunately our friends from the pub were well pissed by the time we got there so they only have a vague recollection of the boys. Coincidentally, our camera decided to give up the ghost while we were there so we have a distinct lack of pictures.

Upon returning to the house we managed a couple of more drinks while Piggy whined and moaned that he wanted more pets. Tazzy only had to utter "No" and Piggy shut up pretty quick. Tazzy's definitely the strong silent type. Not that he has much choice as Piggy is like a bloody fishwife and hardly shuts his trap unless he's stuffing his face. We showed them to one of the guest rooms and bade them goodnight.

Morning broke and after a while Piggy surfaced. If you check out their account you will see that Piggy was feeling a bit worse for wear. It wasn't just because he was hung over but also because, according to him, the four poster bed wasn't comfortable enough. Tazzy seemed quite content with the sleeping arrangements.

We ate breakfast and decided to show them around the place: the pool, the ponies which will no longer come to us when called. I've no idea what the dirty bastards did to the poor creatures.

These poor creatures are now traumatised.

We then decided to go for a drive as the weather was shit and I didn't want Piggy stinking up the place any more. He'd already blocked up two of the en-suite toilets by this point the dirty bastard.

Upon our return Tatas had prepared dinner which Piggy moaned about yet again.

One thing about Piggy. He'll complain about what he's eating but still shovel it into his trap as fast as he can. No wonder his bowels are in such a state.

After dinner we kicked our heels and made small talk wondering how long until they left. Eventually they did. Apparently it pissed hard all the way back for them. Result.

Will we be seeing them again? Tazzy would be welcome as he's respectable and can hold an intelligent conversation without complaining. Piggy? If he's scrubbed down with industrial cleaners, including an enema a day for a week before hand, and if he's gagged to stop him complaining.

Erection

2007-12-09T12:05:00.000Z

Here's our erection.

Happy now bitches.

Apprehensive

2007-12-08T14:54:00.000Z

What have we done?

Tazzy and Piggy are about an hour away from visiting us.

I'll post an account later without exaggerations and downright lies unlike that cunt Piggy ... if we survive.

Pray for our souls.

Bent Objects

2007-12-07T17:20:00.000Z

An entertaining look at the world with the use of paper clips and other objects.

Bent Objects

Inspiration

2007-12-06T19:05:00.000Z

Aaron Fotheringham (born November 8, 1991 in Las Vegas, Nevada) is a wheelchair athlete, or 'wheelchair skateboarder' who performs tricks adapted from skateboarding and BMX.

Fotheringham calls his racing style ‘hardcore sitting’. He is famed for being the first person to successfully perform a back flip in a wheelchair at the age of 14. He performs other tricks in his wheelchair including a 180 degree 'aerial'. He plans to fuse the back flip with the 180 aerial into what is known as a ‘flair’.

Fotheringham has Spina Bifida; he has used a wheelchair since the age of three and although he used crutches early on, he has been in a wheelchair fulltime since the age of eight. He would watch his brother riding his BMX at the skate park and one day his brother told him that he should try riding his chair in the park. Aaron later noted that “I did, and I was hooked”.

Fotheringham got a new wheelchair, a Colours In Motion's Boing!" which was both lightweight and featured four wheel suspension. This enabled him to perform the same sorts of tricks that skateboarders and BMXers can do as the suspension cushioned his landings. Aaron has further worked with Colours Wheelchairs to help refine their designs in real-world situations, and has been given a custom-made chair that is in his words ‘pretty much indestructible’.

He now competes in the Vegas Am Jam series in skate park competitions usually competing against BMX riders. He placed fourth in the intermediate BMX division in a competition held at Sunny Springs Skate Park on August 26, 2006.

Fotheringham advises others attempting to try these tricks to wear a helmet; he has suffered several injuries performing these tricks including a broken elbow. He tries out new tricks by performing them first into cushions. Then he graduates to a ‘rezi’, a harder plastic sheet over the cushions, before attempting the new trick on a regular skateboard ramp.

When asked about having to practice, Fotheringham responded "I don’t think of it as practice, I think of it as a fun way to live my life".

Aaron is obviously a kid who knows how to have fun but I think that he is truly inspirational with his outlook on life in the face of adversity.

Watch Aaron perform his wheelchair backflip.

Old People

2007-12-05T19:00:00.000Z

When I get old and decrepit I want to be put in a home similar to Haslemere Home for the elderly. It seems that the residents still keep their sense of humour. That or they're given some really good drugs.

The Haslemere home for the elderly, in Great Yarmouth, England, achieved a certain notoriety when in September 1960, Gladys Elton, an 81 year old resident of the home, for reasons best known to herself conceived the idea of performing a striptease for her fellow residents of the home; unfortunately such was the effect of Elton's performance that it caused the death of one resident by way of a cardiac arrest and necessitated the treatment for shock of five other residents.

The same home went on to achieve more "fame" the next year when another resident, 87 year old Harry Meadows killed another 3 residents through dressing up as the grim reaper and and peering through the residents' lounge window whilst holding a scythe. As a result of this the home was forced to shut.

Source

Lamp porn

2007-12-04T17:40:00.000Z

Do you remember that desk-lamp that launched Pixar? Well it seems as if somebody's decided to have a little joke at its expense. The cute little anglepoise gets a hold of himself when he sees this season's new lighting catalogue.

Pixar lamp porn

Cuddly Toys Revisited

2007-12-03T21:14:00.000Z

Following yesterday's post about roadkill cuddly toys, I did a bit of digging and found the distributors.

There is another manufacturer that specialises in sick and twisted toy sick and twisted toys. Kent Rogowski takes cuddly teddies rips them open, guts them and turns them inside out.

Cuddly toys

2007-12-02T23:10:00.000Z

One for the kids for Christmas, if you want to traumatise them. Cuddly and cute roadkill.

Stalin or Mr Bean?

2007-11-29T22:33:00.000Z

Feeling down?

2007-11-29T22:08:00.000Z

Stop feeling sorry for yourself I like you.

Christmas lights

2007-11-29T22:04:00.001Z

I like really like this. Don't like your neighbour's Christmas lights? Get your own back by switching these Christmas lights on and off.

One cool and totally useless way to utilise technology.

Tongue tied

2007-11-25T16:31:00.000Z

I'm sure there are a few of you out there wondering what it would feel like.

Survive a sandstorm

2007-11-24T20:00:00.000Z

Bear Grylls demonstrates how to use a camel as a shelter against a sandstorm. Warning: This is Bear Grylls, so that means gutting the camel and getting inside the camel for shelter.

If you were stuck in a desert sandstorm with MJ or IDV you've only got to crawl inside their well used orifices. As long as you can handle the stench.

Upset women

2007-11-23T19:47:00.000Z

Seems that some of Maidy's ex-lovers are a bit annoyed with her following her revelations about her sexual exploits.

Here's a picture of the angry lesbian lovers plotting their next move.

Towel folding

2007-11-22T12:25:00.000Z

Not sanitary, but the nice fluffy bath towel. Tatas can fold a cock (no surprise there) and a bra with a towel but she doesn't know how to fold a towel elephant.

What can you make from folding a towel?

Monitor cleaner

2007-11-21T15:17:00.000Z

Yet another monitor cleaner. Doesn't seem to be doing a good job so the little shit should be taken out and shot.

Anime TV

2007-11-21T15:12:00.000Z

As Maidy has gotten into Anime, I found an online TV channel that allows you to view Anime shows online.

They do other online TV shows such as 24, Bones, Heros, My Name Is Earl and Family Guy too.

Lifeguard Information

2007-11-19T19:43:00.000Z

A 1940's Public Service Announcement on a method to save a person from drowning.

Look carefully and you can see Pissoff playing in the surf with Donkey.

BTW, when you do get to go to the beach. Watch out for Sand Ninjas.

Personal Grooming

2007-11-19T19:42:00.000Z

Hey MJ! Your personal groomer is here for your monthly fud wax and clean.

Scratch that itch

2007-11-18T14:54:00.000Z

Finally MJ and IDV have had their dreams realised with a battery operated back scratcher. Now they can get to those hard to reach itches in their nooks and crannies.

What is it?

2007-11-16T18:50:00.000Z

What do you think the picture below is?

Believe it or not it's a child's toy sled.

Tequila

2007-11-14T17:58:00.000Z

PipeBytes

2007-11-14T17:55:00.000Z

PipeBytes is a simple service which allows you to send
a file to a friend.The unique benefits of this service are:

* No software to install.
* All you need is web browser.
* Send files of any size!
* Your buddy could start downloading file as you upload it. (That makes the file exchange process up to two times faster than other web-based file exhange services!)
* It's private unlike BitTorrent or other P2P techologies.
* The file is not shared on Internet - it is sent directly to your recepient.

World Kindness Day

2007-11-13T19:49:00.000Z

Today is World Kindness Day. The purpose of World Kindness Day is to look beyond ourselves, beyond the boundaries of our country, beyond our culture, our race, our religion; and realise we are citizens of the world.

As world citizens we have a commonality, and must realise that if progress is to be made in human relations and endeavours, if we are to achieve the goal of peaceful coexistence, we must focus on what we have in common.

Join people around the world on this day and commit random acts of kindness.

Alternatively ... tell em to go fuck themselves.

Spray

2007-11-13T19:45:00.000Z

Sup? Whipout da tongue and squirt that mofo

I bet the dirty bitches MJ, Maidy and Tatas think it a new street term for "Let me lick your clit until you squirt in my mouth" but ... it's ...

...

...

...

...

Sorry.

Got distracted there where was I?

Oh yeah Gangsta Breath Mint Spray

Sing-along time

2007-11-13T19:43:00.000Z

Something tells me that Smunty is going to love this one.

Poor hamster, poor hamster
Why must you life be so tough?
Poor hamster, poor hamster
How do you put up with this stuff?

Police cars

2007-11-12T21:23:00.000Z

Bloody hell! It's amazing what taxpayers' money gets spent on around the world. Just take a look at some of the high performance police cars.

Flexible friend

2007-11-12T19:28:00.000Z

Kristina Kireeva is very flexible ........ amazing.

Smell

2007-11-12T19:09:00.000Z

What's the worst smell in the world?

A kipper's cunt!

Closely followed by MJ's

Lost for words

2007-11-09T19:37:00.000Z

You know when you just wished there was a word or two that summed up a long description for something? Well it seems that non-English languages contain many types of these words or short phrases. So take a peek at some of the weird and wonderful foreign phrases and you'll understand what I mean when I say that MJ is layogenic and will tene una cara de telefono ocupado when she finds out.

Thanks, but no thanks

2007-11-08T23:12:00.000Z

As Smunty said, MJ and Maidy promised us some hot lesbian porn.

You know when you wish you hadn't started something cos you didn't want to get to the end?

Bad driving

2007-11-08T20:38:00.000Z

A FOREIGN trucker got trapped for THREE DAYS after being sent up a narrow country lane by his sat-nav.

Czech Yuro Odehnal’s 40-ton, 35ft lorry became wedged between its banks and blocked by an overhead pipe.

When he tried to reverse, his wheels simply spun on the unclassified road’s slippy surface.

Yuro, 45, spent the weekend sleeping in his cab until his bosses hired a tractor to tow him out of the isolated spot a mile from Ivybridge, Devon.

But he did have one piece of luck – kindly locals Tim Auburn and wife Marina gave him three meals a day.

Son Mat, 19, said: “This isn’t the first time lorries have been misdirected up here.” Yuro is now back in Prague.

Reported at The Sun

I've had a closer look at the pictures, looks like Smunty was driving.

History

2007-11-08T19:22:00.000Z

A sex and violence timeline. Sort of like the Bayeux Tapestry but with nudes and drawn instead of needlework.

Sick MJ

2007-11-07T21:49:00.001Z

Yes we all know that MJ is sick in more ways than one. However, I think she's just doing a bit of work on the side to make a bit of money by collating pictures of herself sneezing.

Why the fuck is that site over 18???

Balaclava

2007-11-07T21:15:00.000Z

I've found out where SID orders his balaclavas.

Click the Fetisch button for the full range.

Safety device

2007-11-06T20:37:00.000Z

It's always wise when around MJ's gash or IDV's mansnatch. Wearing this should prevent falling in.

Mom's spit

2007-11-06T20:30:00.000Z

Momspit (inspired by the original) is the universal no-rinse cleanser. It’s not a sanitizer and does not contain any alcohol. In fact, it’s gentle enough to use on your face. Momspit foams for easy application, eliminates dirt and grime, and leaves skin moisturized and yummy smelling. It’s the perfect thing to throw in your purse, place on your desk, or keep in your car. To use: Apply a small amount on hands or face and rub in completely. No rinse needed.

Mom's spit is just the thing for Maidink when she's dry.

Smunty's calling

2007-11-05T19:57:00.001Z

The real truth behind Smunty's call girl fascination.

Mr P Lamp

2007-11-05T18:31:00.000Z

Have a guess how you turn on Mr P Lamp.

What's the betting MJ wants one?

Captain Kremmen

2007-11-05T18:20:00.000Z

From the moment the late Kenny Everett created his space hero Captain Kremmen, the world of radio comedy would never be the same again. Though only four or five minutes in length, each episode showed off brilliantly the genius mind and superb production skills of Kenny. Along with Carla, Dr Gitfinger and a cast of many others, Captain Kremmen boldly explores the universe defeating evil wherever it rears its ugly head! These shows were originally broadcast by London’s Capital Radio in the late 70s and 80s.

It was even better when Kenny did the cartoons on his shows. Now you can download the podcasts of the Captain Kremmen radio sketches.

SID has more Kenny links.

B Movies

2007-11-01T18:45:00.000Z

Do you like the old, sometimes seriously funny, sometimes seriously shit B movies? At Bmovies.com you’ll find hundreds of movies that have been lost in the wasteland of forgotten cinema. No sign-up or log-in needed, just hours and hours of B

All you’ll need is a broadband connection and hours to waste. Enjoy!

Handkerchiefs

2007-11-01T18:44:00.000Z

It's amazing what you can do with embroidery. One new embroiderer decided to have a little fun and spice up some handkerchiefs. Click the pic to see more.

No cussing club

2007-10-30T20:54:00.000Z

I won't cuss, swear, use bad language, or tell dirty jokes. Clean language is the sign of intelligence and always demands respect. I will use my language to uplift, encourage and motivate. I will Leave People Better Than I Found Them!

14 Year old McKay Hatch started the No Cussing Club at his junior high school in South Pasadena, California in 2007. A lot of kids at his school would cuss and use dirty language all the time.

It bothered him so much that one day he challenged them to stop. But some of the kids said they didn't know how to stop. That's when he started the No Cussing Club.

What a fucking shitbag.

Can you guess what it is yet? Number 2

2007-10-30T20:41:00.000Z

Following on from the previous post on rude cartoons, here's the follow up.

All Aboard

2007-10-30T20:33:00.000Z

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the fuck off now, cause we're in a hurry! All of you bastards who are getting on, get the fuck on, cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added .....................

"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

I thought of Maidy and Geo after this.

Halloween

2007-10-29T19:20:00.000Z

As it's Halloween tomorrow, you may be on the look out for scary masks. Forbes has provided you with a variety of scary masks, like Britney.

Need the toilet?

2007-10-29T19:16:00.000Z

Pull my finger

2007-10-29T19:10:00.000Z

If you haven't got anyone around, pull my finger

Poor boy

2007-10-28T16:57:00.001Z

Seems that MJ's offspring has sold the rights to his life to a Hollywood agent.

Uma Thurman nip

2007-10-27T12:54:00.000+01:00

Wasn't it Sniffy and Garfer who drool every time Uma's name is mentioned?

Cats

2007-10-27T12:29:00.000+01:00

If you have a cat, you know how true this is.

Deprived

2007-10-26T19:10:00.000+01:00

Looks like Maidy and Geo aren't feeding Dinks properly.

Judge

2007-10-26T19:08:00.000+01:00

One judge that Tazzy and Piggy would love to meet.

MJ's slippers

2007-10-26T19:03:00.000+01:00

We now know what MJ sticks her feet into. Her latest slippers.

The Internet Stars Are Viral

2007-10-25T20:24:00.000+01:00

Video of virals cut together set to We Didn't Start The Fire. How many have you seen?

Winged rats

2007-10-25T18:31:00.000+01:00

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing crisps from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of crisps. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of crisps.

Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of crisps because they think it's so funny.

What I like is the casual walk in and the "leg it" exit. Click the pic to see it animated.

Present for the Australians

2007-10-25T18:26:00.001+01:00

Favourite haunt

2007-10-19T20:00:00.000+01:00

I'm fairly certain that Piggy and Tazzy, IVD and maybe even Steve visit here regularly.

Caught 2

2007-10-18T22:21:00.000+01:00

Looks like he's got Piggy's arse hair or pubes stuck on his chin ...

Tazzy at work as a security guard

Caught

2007-10-18T22:13:00.000+01:00

After recovering from near certain death, it is good to see that Smunty has returned to work. Here he is pictured delivering the Royal Mail post.

Tazzy?

2007-10-18T20:37:00.000+01:00

Is this Tazzy on the right? It looks like SID in the middle but who's on the left?

How to solve the unemployment problem

2007-10-18T19:59:00.001+01:00

Clap hands

2007-10-17T20:54:00.000+01:00

Bob goes on a blind date with this Canadian chick named MJ.

Later, after dinner and a movie, MJ invites Bob up to her
apartment to fool around.

She reclines on the couch, spreads her legs and says, "Stick a
finger in me."

Bob obliges.

Then MJ says, "Stick in the other three."

Once again, Bob obliges.

Then MJ says, "Just go ahead and shove your whole hand in
there."

So Bob eases his hand into MJ, who then says, "Now shove in
your other hand."

Bob does so, and MJ says, "Now CLAP!"

Bob tries, but nothing doing.

"I can't!" he says.

MJ looks at him with a smile and says, "Pretty tight, eh?"

Love child

2007-10-17T19:59:00.000+01:00

Looks like Piggy and MJ have had a love child.

It's the one on the left.

Poo pay

2007-10-17T19:07:00.000+01:00

I'm not on about the fact that your wages are shit. How much do you get paid to poo?

Values are calculated in dollars (I assume U.S. dollars) and mine works out as £2324.40 per year.

It's here

2007-10-16T22:06:00.000+01:00

Tata's blog

Ideas

2007-10-16T11:42:00.002+01:00

Come on then. Now I know how to post.
I need some help with a name for my Blog.
Ideas please and keep it clean you smutty bitches.

POLITICAL SCIENCE

2007-10-16T11:27:00.000+01:00

How to pick the next Prime Minister in the general election:

Adopt the same procedure as you would when choosing a taxi driver: which one will cost you least and not get you killed.

First Politician

2007-10-16T10:56:00.001+01:00

An archeological team, digging in
Washington DC , has uncovered
10,000 year old bones and fossil remains
of what is believed to be the first

Politician.

Why I was Fired.

2007-10-16T10:30:00.002+01:00

For the last company outing, management decided that, due to liability issues we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.... I was fired for ordering the cups....

Frank Feildman

2007-10-15T20:30:00.000+01:00

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: Who ?

Cabbie: "Frank Feildman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Fieldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feildman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the grand-slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me - I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Fieldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Fieldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his fucking widow."

Rugby

2007-10-12T19:41:00.000+01:00

Sales of condoms in Australia plummeted this weekend when the England rugby squad proved that to fuck 15 Aussies you only need one Johnny...........!
Yesss!!!

Let's get the bastard

2007-10-12T17:43:00.000+01:00

Apparently Gordon Brown was boasting that this only had 26 signatories yesterday during PM’s Question Time. It’s now 5, 233.

In order to effectively run the country a prime minister needs the approval that comes with an election. The current prime minister has not been tested by an election. This comprimises his ability to govern effectively as he has no mandate for change. Hold a general election in 2007 to allow England its right to a democratically elected leader.

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/Election-year/

Here we go

2007-10-09T22:38:00.000+01:00

Now my pretties!

Wanna give me an idea of what to put in my new BLOG?

No taking the piss as this is my first time. (Virgin blogger)