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Fuckshitpisswanktosscuntbollockarsetitwhorecuntingbastard car.

Bored

What happens when you have a felt tip pen, a bit of body jewellery and a bored Tatas and Convict?

You get this

Poodlewaddle world clock

The figures on this clock are approximations based on past stats and estimates. They are collected from the beginning of the selected time period until the current time.

What's this?

The Blobfish inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. Due to the inaccessibility of its habitat, it’s rarely seen by humans.

Blobfish are found at depths where the pressure is several dozens of times higher than at sea level. To remain buoyant, the flesh of the Blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; which allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front it.

Hmmm, primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front of it? Yep, it is Piggy

For the boys

A while back I was lambasted by Piggy & Tazzy and IDV for posting the top 100 hot women as voted by lesbians. So in the interests of fairness I present the Truck Drivers 7UP Calendar.

Do do ...

One of my spies has managed to pinch this video of Maidink and Geo took while Maidink was pregnant.

Those cold winter nights must fly by.

What's Love got to do with it?

Seems that Awaiting is celebrating having broadband by advertising her new website in this video where she sings Tina Turner's What's Love Got To Do With It.

Looks like it was before she finished her facial routine.

Lying bastards ... again

Seems the government can tell when it's lying or not lately. Even following a Freedom Of Information request.

Inspectors are being trained to "snoop" on desirable properties across England in an attempt to revalue millions of homes for council tax.

They have been told to look for houses in "small pleasant rural villages", within good school catchment areas or with decent access to parks.
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Double glazing, central heating and fixed kitchen units could all help boost the price of a property, according to guidelines issued in a Government training handbook.

The Conservatives claimed it showed people were to be punished for trying to improve their homes. Eric Pickles, the shadow local government secretary, said: "This will be a stealth tax on quality of life and hard work."

The Liberal Democrats said the Government was being "dishonest" by denying plans to revalue property but going ahead with preparations anyway.

read more about the lying government

Ouch

For the first few days of this week I have been woken by the sound of water pouring from the overflow pipe next to our bedroom window at an hour which is before I need to get up and light enough that I have trouble getting back to sleep. Having finally snapped, I decided to climb into the loft and have a look at the ballcock.

I cleared all the crap from round the water tank and peeled back all the insulation to reveal the ballcock. Now, I've previously had this problem and all you need to do is loosen a nut and move the ball further along the shaft so that it closes the valve before the water reaches the overflow level. Simple. Ball is fixed to shaft with no nut. Bollocks.

Scratches head. No problem, bend shaft so the ball sits lower etc. Grasps shaft in both hands and applies pressure. RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Visit to A&E results in a diagnosis of a torn ligament in my right hand. There's lumps that shouldn't be where they are. When I move my fingers it looks like an alien is moving under the skin.

It takes half an hour to type this with two fingers on my left hand.

I've still got less errors than Piggy.

Photography

Here's an instructional video showing how MJ's portrait photos are developed.

I've found out why Mrs SID married SID.

Here's a typical day for Maidink.

Finally, here's what's left of the house after Piggy and Tazzy and the Smunts have finished holidaying.

Fashion

I'm sure IDV will be very interested in the new British summer footwear

Let's hit the beach

Let's go to the beach and build some sand castles. I don't think that I'm anywhere as good as those guys.

Bad news

Uganda confirms Marburg outbreak

An outbreak of the deadly Marburg virus has been confirmed in Uganda's Kamwenge district by the health authorities.

Two miners have been diagnosed with the fast-spreading Ebola-like haemorrhagic fever, close to the border with the Democratic Republic of Congo.

One of them has died and about 40 other people working at Kitaka gold mine have been quarantined, officials say.

Marburg has a high fatality rate. The last reported outbreak was in Angola in 2005 when some 300 people died.

Read more on the Marburg outbreak.

More about the Ebola virus and Marburg virus.