Don't know what to do with your old pc?

How about growing marijuana in it?

If you have kids

be very careful when you are saying yes!

Where do I enlist?

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet-high marijuana plants.

General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana.

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UK drivers change lanes to outsmart SPECS speeding cameras

And so we should ...

A massive flaw in a new generation of speed cameras means motorists can avoid fines and points on their licence simply by changing lanes.

The Home Office admitted last night that drivers can avoid being caught the by hi-tech 'SPECS' cameras which calculate a car's average speed over a long distance.

The astonishing loophole means that millions of speeding drivers around Britain could escape a £60 fine and three points on their licence. The hidden blind-spot - revealed today by the Daily Mail - raises questions about the supposedly foolproof hi-tech camera system which is increasingly used on Britain's roads.

Read more on how to beat SPECS cameras

Got a daughter?

Whatever you do, next time she brings a new boyfriend home, check his middle name isn't Wayne

Rubber Johnny

Can anyone tell me WTF this Rubber Johnny is all about?

New drugs for women

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

Peanuts

Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"

"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."

Swiped from Badger

Beersex

The idea behind Beersex.net is the classic hot or not situation. The twist is that you have to specify how many beers it'd take you to sleep with them.

Found at Creamy's - NSFW

Naughty toons

All from Badgirl

Fancy a change?

You can become a Gnome. Aren't they a bit like leprechauns?

Alternatively, you can help to free the Gnomes.

The love of a father

[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]
I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.
This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;" Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an Institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want To do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore For two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," One doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago." So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

"The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."



So Badger does have a heart after all.

Welsh ethics

A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day,when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, "don't drink the water, it's not nice".

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer move closer.

"Don't boy, the water is not nice. The sheep crap in the water".

Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said "the water's dirty don't drink it!".

"I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I couldn't understand a word you said!" said the man at the stream in a fine English accent,

"Oh I see" said the farmer. "I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in ..."

For the Americans

If I said "The barmaid was a gormless, clapped out, bint who got into some argy bargy after flashing her bristols to the rozzers" would you understand what the hell I meant?

Probably not, so I present you with a list of British words not widely used in the United States. Do make sure you bookmark it.

2006 Darwin Awards

In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards -- the annual honor given to the person who improved the"gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year are.............

MICHIGAN...
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

CALIFORNIA...
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

NORTH CAROLINA...
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

CALIFORNIA...
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

DELAWARE...
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION: NEW JERSEY...
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP: WASHINGTON... TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.

"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER: FROM G-E-R-M-A-N-Y .. is....
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Shit happens!"

Singles Ad

The following was in The Atlanta Journal. This has got to be one of the best "singles ads" ever published.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.

Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (###) ###-#### and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

Apparently Goose rang ten times.

Piercings

Soooo, you got your belly button tattoo, your ears, nose, eyebrow, septum, tonuge, clit, bell-end and perennium all pierced so what now?

Get your car pierced

Belly button tattoos

Why, oh, why would you want to give yourself a belly button tattoo?

Cybersex

SID, stop snickering Goose and Badger it could quite easily have been your names here, wonders what all the fuss is about cybersex

Newsflash

Piggy and Tazzy spotted playing tennis ... ball boys go on strike.

A first grade teacher in London explains to her class that she is a Manchester United fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Manchester United fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl...

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, " Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Manchester United fan " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked "Well, if you are not a Manchester United fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am an Arsenal fan," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, WHY are you Arsenal fan?" "Because my Mom is an Arsenal fan, my Dad is an Arsenal fan, so I am an Arsenal fan also."

"Well" said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be an Arsenal fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your Mom was a snotty arrogant jackass and your Dad was a snotty arrogant jackass, what would you be then?"

"Then" Janie smiled, "We'd be Manchester United fans."

For Goose

Online shopping

Online shopping has certainly changed in recent times.

Home truths

A Somalian arrives in London as a new immigrant to England.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passerby says "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani".

The man goes on and encounters another passerby.

"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!" The person says
"I not English. I am from Hong Kong".

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful England!" That person puts up his hand and
says "I am from Iran, I am not English".

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an English citizen?". She says, "No, I am from Romania!"

So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the English?" The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says .....

"Probably at work".

Tony Blair and the Queen

Tony Blair is at his weekly meeting with The Queen, when he turns round and says: "As I'm the PM, I'm thinking of changing how the Country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom", to which the Queen replies,

"I'm sorry Mr Blair, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge ........ and you're not a King." Tony Blair thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?" to which the Queen replied "Sorry again, but to be a Principality, you have to be a Prince ............ and you're not a Prince, Mr Blair".

Again, Blair thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?" The Queen, getting a little pissed off by now replied "Sorry again, Mr Blair, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge ............. and you are not an Emperor."

Before Tony Blair could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think we're doing quite nicely as a Country" ...

A Mini that's faster than an Aston Martin

PML took a standard BMW Mini One, discarded the engine, the disc brakes, the wheels, and the gearbox. Added four electric wheels, a lithium polymer battery, a large “super capacitor”, a very small IC engine with generator (so small it fits alongside the spare wheel!), an energy management system and a modernistic in-car display module. Gave the vehicle 3 modes of operation, Eco mode for in town/city frequent start-stop operation, Normal mode for daily commuting and equivalent ICE car operation and Sport Mode for all the bells and whistles you would expect from a super car. Made each mode driver selectable, on the fly, through the nifty in-car display, and the result; The Mini QED Electric Hybrid.

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Full length cartoons on YouTube.

Here's a massive list of full length cartoons you can watch on YouTube.

No entry for Fritz the Cat or Jungle Burger though ...

Waiter there's a fly in my soup

Actually sir, that's a penis.

There are many thousands of Chinese restaurants around in the UK and everyone has their favourite dish, but only in China itself do chefs specialise in a range of slightly more unusual delicacies.

A glass of deer penis juice amongst food on a table at the restaurant (Photo credit: Stefan Gates)
Many of the restaurant's guests are wealthy businessmen

The dish in front of me is grey and shiny.

"Russian dog," says my waitress Nancy.

"Big dog," I reply.

"Yes," she says. "Big dog's penis..."

Which side is dominant?

Somewhere hidden within this picture are two crayfish.

Don't look at the picture until you are able to give a few minutes to trying to find them.

If you find one crayfish within 5 minutes and it is the crayfish furthest to the right of the screen, you have excellent perception and are left brain dominant.

The reverse applies as in : left side crayfish/ right brain dominant.

If you are colour blind, you will not find the crayfish but otherwise you should be able to find them both within 30 minutes.

I personally could not find them...

Find the crayfish

Unashamedly ripped from Goose