Insults and other sayings

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
How can you love nature, when it did that to you?
Hey, don't you need a licence to be that ugly?
Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
Grasp your ears firmly and pull; you might just be able to remove your head from you ass.
He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
Hey, I remember you when you only had the one stomach.
You don't sweat much for such a fat guy.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
I bet you get bullied a lot.
I can tell that you are lying; your lips are moving.
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
If I want shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder…it would be an apocalypse!
If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
She's the first in her family born without tail.
There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
You have a nasty speech impediment ... your foot.
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
You are not even beneath my contempt.
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes.
If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
You look like shit. Is that the style now?
Is it time for your medication or mine?