Your name deciphered

Literal meaning

"Misplaced optimism."

History

Famously confined to the Scottish Highlands, then to prison, then to bed on the eve of a Tuesday, the name Convict was originally used largely to refer to those who worked in the hills building things out of hills, before being mispronounced by a registering officer.

Famous Convicts

1. Professor Convict Oily-Nootlooter, belittler of the early career of Roy Clarke; first holder of the office of King's Bath Taster;
2. Convict A Chinly, RN, BSc ("The Mighty"), early user of the self-propelled gardener; last holder of the office of King High Wizard Of Ipswich;
3. Convict Tidecatcher, once saved by a creature from the id;
4. Convict Trabmaw, MSc, co-writer of INDIANA JONES AND THE LESS THAN CONVINCING CHANGE OF LOCATION;
5. Convict Dufallily-Frote, named in court as holding compromising material concerning the nightmare cupboard; first holder of the office of Her Majesty's Punchbag;
6. Convict O'Mapduster-Sponetote ("The Reasonably Broadly Educated"), exposed in the press as having swapped a child for the lost consonant of Atlatis;
7. Convict Tinkermouse, MA, who could never shake an early association with the quick-burning funeral boat;
8. Convict E Q I Smmith, first victim of the self-aware cartoon strip; first holder of the inevitably blasphemous office of Country's Most Secret Spy;
   
9. Brigadier-General Convict d'Itching, opponent of fifty-nine entirely new ways to kneel; last holder of the office of Hot Diggity;
10. Convict de Sprewt-Nivea, haunted by an image of Sock 'n' Roll; ghost-writer of Thora Hird's deeply upsetting autobiography, TOOT-A-TWANG-TWANG.

Typical Convict motto

"Let us emulate the wily Prussian."

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