Help wanted

My co-blogger Badger (demoted from friend as you are about to find out) has been launching a rather scathing personal attack on yours truly lately. Now it started off quite good naturedly with him saying that I was in need of this piece of equipment. Fair enough, funny. His next shot at me was to send me this picture cos I'm 'spending {my} days in a lonley cell'. Funny ... very funny. He then continued with reminding me what prison life is like for a good looking (cough cough) fella like me with this picture. Hmmmm humour bypass on that one. He then has the audacity to say I have a fixation with his anus, which I've never seen of course as I haven't been out in years apart from the 2 hours exercise in the yard per day.

Next, he decides that he's going to attack my sexual activities to include playing with ginger though having read the article it did give me a couple of ideas ... ahem ... where was I? Oh yeah, next on the list of attacks came an article which was supposed to help Mrs Convict stop faking orgasms. Now personal attacks I can tolerate, but when my family is involved I start getting a little shirty but being the generous chap I am I decided I'd let him have that one. Oh how I wished I'd taken him down there and then as he continued this onslaught with a picture of me after a night of Bubba's special attention.

My fictional hamster then made an appearance, followed by my apparent porn addiction. I then escape from prison and am not to be approached except by Bubba - ok so the Bubba pic was theGoose's fault. I was then bought a pair of handcuffs by the aforementioned Bubba to go with my outfit and I wasn't allowed out of my cell without this. He went on to ask if you could imagine being Bubba's ass bitch and all this was only in January!!!!!

Now you'd think he'd take a break in February, let the dust settle and keep his head down, nope, not Badger. He starts the month with a link to a poem for me under the heading 'Do Men Really Rape Each Other In Jail'. He doesn't know that I've not been a great fan of serious poetry since I had to learn a verse of Daffodils back in school when I was about 12. Bubba then get's a new haircut and outfit and can't wait to party with me. I then, apparently, get a day pass and Bubba and I share a fond farewell but once I get out I am immediately caught practicing what I was sent down for in the first place and he has the audacity to team me up with well a certain well known perverse cowboy!!! To top it all off today he reckons he's found my personal ad.

In conclusion, I've had enough of this ... really I have. I wouldn't mind if he'd spread his attacks around his co-bloggers a bit more. Granted he has started on theGoose recently but he has suspiciously left DNA mostly unmolested and of course he hasn't even touched upon the uberBitch; probably cos he lives a little too close to her. I wouldn't have minded, nay I could may be forgive his previous transgressions, if he'd had a pop at me along with the uberBitch as he did with my day pass excursion. It should be noted that theGoose and myself have both wound up the uberBitch on several occassions. I've threatened to turn him into shaving brushes but that doesn't seem to have helped so I am starting an appeal.

I want you to mail me any links, jokes, articles, photoshopped images then I'll show the best with (or without if you're a yellow bellied cur like the Badger) credit to yourself.

Now I'm off down the medical wing to see if I can get some tranquilisers for this twitching eye.

Update: Bubba has escaped and is going Badger hunting himself. He was last seen riding away on a Harley